Dating after young widowhood
Also, if the person was terminally ill and that illness took a long time to run it’s course, the widowed person may have done a lot of grieving prior to the actual occurrence of death and might be ready to date earlier than ‘the experts’ predict.For me, it was 18 months before I considered dating again."One widower was told by a woman that he was a perfect man, but 'unfortunately you're totally undateable.No good woman wants to be second.'"Young widows and widowers are often branded in one way or another, she adds.So while my pals were busy planning weddings or preparing to have kids, I was setting up a scholarship fund in my husband's memory and trying to figure out what to do with his clothes.I'd occasionally meet elderly widows -- my grandmother's friends mostly.
But that ring on my finger led to plenty of awkward conversations. Sometimes -- plenty of times -- people said the "wrong" thing.One is ready to date again whenever solitude gives way to loneliness.It is natural to want a partner, but the partner is not a substitute.“One should wait until THEY feel they are ready.At large social gatherings people asked questions like, "What does your husband do for work? " I dreaded the look on their face when I explained I was a widow. They'd unintentionally offer words that hurt more than they helped.They'd always apologize profusely, while I reassured them it was okay. My favorite was when people would say things like, "You'll marry again someday," as if finding another husband was just like replacing an old car. After a few years, people tried to set me up on dates.
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About a year after her husband died, Shannon Bell, 31, of Kendallville, Ind., says she jumped too quickly into the dating pool. I quickly fell into a relationship with someone who was not right for me in the least, but he was someone with a heartbeat."Lesson learned, Bell spent time "finding what I was made of on my own." A year and a half later, she's in a healthy relationship, expressing her grief freely and taking it slowly.